What are self-limiting beliefs?
They are deeply held and firmly rooted, often destructive and maladaptive beliefs we hold about ourselves and our potential. Here are a few questions that I was asked this week, and they are the inspiration for this post:
“How do I start a negotiation without losing the opportunity?” “How do I start to talk about money without sounding greedy?” “I don’t negotiate well because I feel guilty asking for more, which I may not deserve.” “I have never asked…that just isn’t how it works.” Not only have I been personally asked these questions, but I also saw many similar versions of the same all over Twitter this week, as part of a conversation about getting paid to speak, and also about women in medicine and negotiation at work.
Do those sound familiar? Working through problems like this are incredibly important to move ahead effectively. But this can be hard to do. As I mention in this video, diving into self-limiting beliefs is one of the most uncomfortable (at first) sessions we do at the TransforMD Mastery Retreat – but it’s also the one with the most tears, breakthroughs, and overall amazingness. 🙂
I have some really effective and easy to follow language examples for success in negotiation, in starting a conversation about compensation when the other party hasn’t brought up money at all, and similar tough conversations. We talk about this a lot in The Speaking Rx course particularly as it pertains to how to create a speaking contract and how to have compensation discussions that include fee, travel, and other non-monetary benefits. But as I was about to put together a post on that for this week’s Q&A, I realized that the bigger problem should be addressed first.
What’s the bigger problem?
The self-limiting beliefs that are keeping people from believing that they can and should advocate for their own interests, and that they deserve it. This video breaks down how to identify self-limiting beliefs, how to isolate them and uncover the deeper roots, and how to fix them. It’s not easy, but it is essential. More importantly, it can be done. Watch this video now: